One Shift That Will Change Your Life Forever…

How to break free from a hopeless addiction that keeps most people from having the lives and relationship they want…

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See the author’s TEDx Talk on Creating Extraordinary Intimacy in a Shut Down World

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My partner and I are currently in Atlanta, GA visiting my sister and her husband. Part of this trip is also speaking to the local Cancer Support Community about regaining intimacy in the face of cancer. As the four of us sat around my sister’s breakfast table enjoying a light meal before setting out on our day exploring the local scene, we had a very lively conversation. It centered on why so many people in this country seem to be total sheeple with respect to politics, foreign policy, social justice and even maintaining fulfilling intimate relationships. Any attempt to find a common thread that addresses and explains such a wide range of human behavior often results in a fool’s errand. Yet what came out of this morning’s discourse appears fundamental to all that collectively ails us. And that there is a simple shift each of us can make that frees us up from this malaise that will profoundly change our individual lives for the better.

Culture and Industry of Distraction

One thought that emerged is that we live in a culture of distraction. There are nearly an infinite number of ways that we can easily distract ourselves from actually living in the moment, which is the only place where life really happens. Think about it. Sports, movies, TV, news, alcohol, drugs (prescription and recreational), theme parks, entertainment, politics, sex, partying, outdoor activities, work, personal drama, video games, social media, just being in our head all the time and so on. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that doing any of these things is wrong. In fact, they all can be incredibly fulfilling if done as part of living life in the moment. It’s when they are used to avoid the moment that the addiction spiral kicks in.

Distraction is our coping drug of choice so we don’t have to deal with the feelings of uncertainty that comes with being in the moment. It is our 21^st century version of SOMA from Aldus Huxley’s Brave New World. Designed to keep us placated, pliant while robbing our energy and will for real fundamental positive change. It’s the numbing quick “fix” that has us craving ever more.

And here’s the really weird part. No one is forcing this on us. We do this to ourselves. We are our own very persuasive pushers for this particular narcotic. Entire industries have been created with this understanding for the sole purpose of feeding our habit of conscious oblivion. They weren’t there waiting for us to trip up and go down the rabbit hole of ephemeral blissful ignorance. They exist because many clever people and organizations understand clearly the desperate want behind our addiction. An incessant craving they are only too happy to supply with ever more creative ways of distracting ourselves, usually for substantial profits.

Escape from Possibility

So there we are sitting around the breakfast table discussing how distraction of the masses has turned so many of us into compliant mobs under the illusion of self-direction. An illusion which robs much of the joy from life including the ability to have deeply authentic and meaningful relationships. This of course led to the question as to why this is so. What are people distracting themselves from and why are they so quietly desperate about it? What is this terrible reality that we simply cannot face and so ardently avoid even thinking about? Well there must be something because more people than ever (both adults and children) currently take anxiety drugs. These don’t cure the anxiety; they merely mask the uncomfortable feelings that come with it. According to one definition anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. When you consider that we are literally wired to avoid uncertainty (for survival purposes) this makes perfect sense. So in essence, many people strive to avoid the uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty or some future outcome that may or may not actually happen. And just like the pharmaceuticals we so collectively ingest, distraction only serves to mask the symptoms rather than address the root cause.

The irony that struck us is that by avoiding these feelings we also avoid the possibilities that can only come from being in the Moment. The point where creativity and awareness merge to consistently open us to new potentials that weren’t even on our radar.

The Big Shift That Changes Everything

So, how does one break free from this insidious addiction? Awareness. Being aware of distraction’s power over us and the prison bars that prevent us from really living life fully. Something that can only happen in the Moment.

The first level of awareness is just being… well, aware of the fact that we can be easily seduced by distraction. This means being aware of the “why” behind all of our actions. Now this may sound like a lot of work, but once you are clear about the payoff (i.e. living life fully, new possibilities, deeper relationships) you won’t find it to be a hard habit to make.

The next level of awareness is being the Observer. We humans are gifted to be able to participate fully in any activity either being on autopilot (i.e. distraction) or by actively observing as we are doing. Observing simply means to be aware of what shows up or what is being done and forming no thoughts, labels or judgments surrounding it. When you do this you will find that you are far more connected to whatever you are doing and whom you are doing them with. And, new possibilities start emerging from behind that gauzy curtain of distraction.

There is no question about it; we have a serious drug problem in this country. Distraction is the ultimate starter drug that has one always searching for that ever, bigger hit. And, awareness is a cure that seems to work consistently.

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image: DepositPhotos.com

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